Lowpoint

It is 2,5 years ago that I have been diagnosed with kidney disease. That is 2,5 years of no vacation, no sex, no money, no chocolate, no fruits, no dairy. And now even no fluids. What I mean by that is that now my body stopped producing urin, which means that all the fluids I drink will be retained in the bloodstream. My drinking allowance is 0,5 Liters per day which is like two small cups. But thats not all. In order to manage the thirst I have to also limit my intake of salts, sugars, spices and basically anything that tastes like something and still be super thirsty all the time. ...Weiterlesen

How to be friends with germans

Finally this day has come. Today I'm ready to drop the knowledge I have been gathering my whole life. If you plan to interact with a german in the near future, this article is for you. It outlines the most common mistakes and gives guidelines for avoiding mistakes when interacting with germans. For hundreds of years people of various backgrounds have been trying to establish friendships with germans without success. People of all races have been successfully interacting with each other with only one exception: germans. ...Weiterlesen

The struggle

I woke up with my eyes sore and red from crying the better part of last night. This doesnt happen often, because like most men, i think, i don't like crying. I hate how I sound, how I look and most importantly how I feel when I cry. I hate showing my weakness and I hate feeling vulnerable. I am a master of suppressing my feelings so it was no big challenge to keep the noise to a minimum as not to wake my wife up. In my previous posts I always tried to put a positive spin on my situation. The reason I haven't written anything in months is that I ran out of ways to make it sound positive. ...Weiterlesen

The truth about telling the truth

Men are always accused of not talking about their problems or feelings, we just bury our troubles and move on. Is that really a bad thing? People say that an exposed wound heals faster, which I find to be true, in general, but there is also the risk of accidental scratching which reopens the wound, causing great pain and the healing process has to start over. This is why we put band-aids on them! Another thing we know is that time heals all wounds...ALL wounds, not just the exposed wounds. ...Weiterlesen

Prayer

Dear God,

open my heart
give me courage
help me show love and kindness
lift the evil curse of judgement

I can't do this on my own
It is too hard and I am scared
I really need your help
please find a way
to make me believe

education is my fault
curiosity is my sin
doubt is my sickness
faith will be my cure

this spirit is beautiful
send rain to wash it clean 
give it back its true colors
let it grow the wings of trust
so it can fly off into bliss

Amen ...Weiterlesen

My Roommates

It is now about 6 weeks since my "roommate" Mrs. P. passed away. It didn't come as a big surprise, because her condition was slowly getting worse until one day she didn't come anymore. I think she died peacfully at home and being spared from a lengthy stay at the hospital. Back at the dialysis station I got a new "roommate" and everything continues as if nothing happened. Although we never talked much, I learned a lot from her just by observing her ways. ...Weiterlesen

Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt

Es ist nun einige Wochen her, dass wir die Nachricht erhalten haben, dass das UKE die Transplantation nicht durchführen will. Wie sagt man so schön: "Die Hoffnung stirbt zu letzt". Auch wenn ich nie so richtig verstanden habe, was das eigentlich bedeutet. Soll man nun bis zuletzt hoffen, oder nicht? Selbstverständlich waren wir alle am Boden zerstört. ...Weiterlesen

Friedliche Ruhe

3 Mal die Woche, zuverlässig wie ein schweizer Uhrwerk, kommen alle Patienten in diese Einrichtung. Es gibt keine Ausnahmen, der Fahrplan wird konsequent durchgezogen, egal ob Feiertag, Geburtstag oder Weihnachten. Seit einem Jahr bin ich nun in diesem Zimmer mit meinen zwei Zimmergenossen, Herr R. und Frau P. Auch wenn man nicht viel redet erfährt man doch sehr viel über die anderen. Man kann zum Beispiel sehr viel über den Gesundheitszustand eines Patienten lernen anhand des Transportmittels. ...Weiterlesen

Maximize

Even though I have spent much time pondering over the purpose of life, I haven't really been able to find the answer. However, I have been able to find what isn't the purpose of life.  ...Weiterlesen

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